distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
