i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
