Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
