I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
