you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
