You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
