bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
