I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
