Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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