Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
