he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
