Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
