my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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