Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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