im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
