Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
