once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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