Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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