i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
