So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
