i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
