the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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