it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
