I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
