The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
