Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
