we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
