I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
