Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
