it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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