so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Someone signed my nipple.
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