just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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