I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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