walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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