I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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