so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
A bitchslap is in order.
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