Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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