Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
