his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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