im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
