You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Drunk is not a location!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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