no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
