If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
