You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
