could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
