He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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