It's like a parade of train wrecks.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
