The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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