Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
