i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
