I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
