I just gift wrapped bread.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
