mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
