I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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