Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
