I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
