Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
